


Don't Wanna Cry

by minimemeyoongi



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Don't Wanna Cry (Music Video), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Kim Mingyu-centric, Light Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Please read, Teen Angst, They cry, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, Yoon Jeonghan-centric, based entirely on don't wanna cry, but most importantly, established kim mingyu/yoon jeonghan, i'm bad at angst, i'm bad with angst, manageable angst, pls read, so it's okay, they don't say goodbye, they fight, ulgo shipji anha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-25 15:58:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/pseuds/minimemeyoongi
Summary: jeonghan shouldn't have done the things he did. he shouldn't have done that to mingyu.





	Don't Wanna Cry

There was the sound of glass shattering, the sight of a plate breaking, as Jeonghan's arm fell to his side after throwing it.

His eyes burned with anger. "Go fuck yourself, Kim Mingyu." With that, he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

It had been almost an hour after their fight. Jeonghan couldn't even properly remember what it was about anymore. Just that he didn't know why he got so mad at Mingyu. He could still clearly see the scared look in Mingyu's eyes as he yelled at him, grabbing a plate because he had to hold onto something, anything, and then throwing it so near Mingyu's head. The younger had stopped moving entirely then, stopped breathing even. Jeonghan didn't know, nor cared at the moment, what happened to Mingyu as soon as he left.

But now, an hour later, that was the only thing Jeonghan could think about. What happened to Mingyu when he left? Was Mingyu okay? Was Mingyu crying? Did Mingyu -- Jeonghan's blood turned ice cold at the thought -- did Mingyu want to end it, end them?

Jeonghan grabbed at his blond locks, pulling at them. He'd had a bad day. That much he could remember. Mingyu said something, something Jeonghan couldn't recall, and that caused him to snap. Jeonghan had yelled at Mingyu. And Mingyu was surprised, because what he said was something trivial, for sure, something that didn't need to be taken hotly. Mingyu had softened his voice, unsure of the elder's next actions, trying to soothe Jeonghan. His next words were about knowing that Jeonghan had a bad day, but that he didn't need to take it out on him. That was what caused Jeonghan's anger to flare even more.

Jeonghan told himself not to cry. He didn't want to cry, didn't deserve to. Mingyu just wanted to help, for sure. Jeonghan was being rude. It was all Jeonghan's fault. Mingyu was right. Even if Jeonghan had had a bad day, it was not excusable that he take it out on Mingyu. Jeonghan felt like utter shit.

He looked around, only now really seeing where he had run off to. It was two in the morning, noone really outside on foot, mostly just in cars or commuting. He'd been leaning on a wall, paint faded from time passing, trying his mightiest to not cry, for an hour now. He had no phone. He'd left it in the house. Where was Mingyu? Was he still in the house?

Jeonghan wiped his eyes with his checkered polo sleeve; one of his comfortable polos, the one with the huge, circle patches on the elbows. He didn't need to cry. Didn't want to cry. Biting his lip, he stood up with steely determination. He was going to go back, going to go back to Mingyu, and he was going to say sorry. What - fucking - ever if his pride tried to get in his way. He acknowledges his faults and this was one of them.

He walked into a convenience store, those blessed things that are open twenty - four seven. He bought some instant coffee that tasted disgusting on his tongue. He settled on one of the uncomfortable stools and slowly, steadily, finished his coffee. Now that he was calming down, blood no longer boiling even in the slightest, no longer on the verge of crying, he could remember a few things.

"Hey, hyung," Mingyu greeted as soon as Jeonghan stumbled into the house, that little step always missing his eyes.

Jeonghan clicked his tongue, ignoring the greeting, ignoring Mingyu, fingers itching for a cigarette. "Where the fuck are my cigarettes, Mingyu?"

Mingyu stopped stirring whatever was inside the pot to fully face the elder. "Hyung, what's wrong?"

Jeonghan glared at the younger under his bangs. "Give me my cigarettes, Mingyu."

"What happened today, Jeonghan?" Mingyu crossed his arms. "Atleast tell me. You know I hate it when you smoke."

That was when Jeonghan snapped. "I don't care! Give me my fucking cigarettes, Mingyu!" He walked into and around the kitchen, looking for where Mingyu could have hidden them this time.

"Hyung, I know you're having a bad day, but that doesn't mean --"

Jeonghan tried to calm himself down. He grabbed something, for the sake of gripping it to cool down.

"-- that you have to take it out on me."

Jeonghan didn't register the fact that he had thrown the thing he was holding -- a plate -- towards Mingyu's voice. He needed the younger to shut up. He just wanted to smoke. To feel better. Mingyu was not helping.

He didn't care if Mingyu stopped breathing, stayed stock still, looking at him with wide eyes. To hell with that.

"Go fuck yourself, Kim Mingyu."

Jeonghan put his head in his hands. Mingyu must have been so, so scared. Jeonghan doesn't lash out like that at all, and he'd never done so when it came to Mingyu. Mingyu was nothing but nice, nothing but amazing to Jeonghan, and he repaid him with a fight.

Jeonghan ran out the convenience store. His feet pounded against the sidewalk, his large polo flowing behind him. He needed to go to Mingyu, before it was all too late.

Knowing Mingyu, the younger wouldn't be at home, not anymore. He'd be on the streets, looking for Jeonghan. So Jeonghan changed his route and redirected to places near their house. Mingyu would still be out there. Jeonghan hoped Mingyu hadn't given up on him just yet.

\--

At first, Mingyu was okay. He got to keep a cool head even if Jeonghan was pissed. Jeonghan was in a sour mood when he arrived home, and consequently soured Mingyu's mood as well. He'd been preparing mushroom soup, their favourite, when the elder tripped on the little step he always forgot was there.

"Hey, hyung,"

When Jeonghan just clicked his tongue, that was when Mingyu knew something was wrong.

The elder shuffled around the living room, blatantly ignoring Mingyu. "Where the fuck are my cigarettes, Mingyu?"

Mingyu turned off the stove and faced Jeonghan. Jeonghan never asked for cigarettes infront of Mingyu. "Hyung," he began, "what's wrong?" Because the Yoon Jeonghan he knew never cussed.

Jeonghan glared at him. "Give me my cigarettes, Mingyu."

Mingyu swallowed. He'd thrown the box away as soon as he found it under the sofa cushions one day. The box was still half full, the cigarettes smelling old.

"What happened today, Jeonghan?" He crossed his arms. The irritation Jeonghan was feeling was beginning to latch onto Mingyu as well. "Atleast tell me. You know I hate it when you smoke."

He'd barely finished his sentence when Jeonghan clenched his fists harder, pinning him to his spot with an icy glare. "I don't care! Give me my fucking cigarettes, Mingyu!"

Jeonghan stomped over to him, and for a split second Mingyu worried that he'd pushed Jeonghan too far, that Jeonghan was going to hit him. But he disregarded the latter; Jeonghan would never hit him. And he was right : the elder just pushed things aside on the shelves, presumably to look for the box.

"Hyung, I know you're having a bad day, but that doesn't mean --" he choked to a stop when Jeonghan grabbed a plate. Jeonghan wasn't going to hurt him. No way. " -- that you have to take it out on me."

If Mingyu had been one inch to Jeonghan's left, he would've gotten hit. The plate flew to his right, the small amount of wind pushing his hair back. The plate hit the wall behind him, the pieces falling to the ground. A few had lodged themselves in his leg due to the strength of the fall. But he didn't care.

The fact that Jeonghan had almost hurt him, the fact that Jeonghan was so angry that he'd broken something, scared Mingyu even more than the fact that he'd almost been in the way of the plate. His eyes widened in fear, breathing involuntarily coming to a stop.

"Go fuck yourself, Kim Mingyu."

Mingyu watched as Jeonghan slipped his shoes on, slamming the door behind him afterwards. Mingyu waited a few seconds until he breathed once again. He sank to the floor, hiding his face in his hands, exhaling heavily.

The little ceramic pieces forced into his leg hurt like hell, so he focused on that pain instead. Better treat something that can be treated.

He allowed some tears to fall as he swept up the broken pieces of the plate, wounded leg now bandaged. Jeonghan left. It's been a few minutes. Mingyu looked at the clock. Half past one in the morning. He looked at the mushroom soup, now just lukewarm. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his polo. It was one of his favourites, the star print giving it character. Jeonghan had bought it for him when he jokingly said that he wanted it. His bottom lip trembled.

Mingyu dialed Jeonghan's number, hoping the elder would answer it. He didn't; his phone was haphazardly thrown on the sofa. Mingyu sighed shakily. He went to their bedroom to add another layer on himself, a plain black polo with shorter sleeves but longer sides. After putting on a white cap and locking the door, he set out to find Jeonghan.

That had been half an hour ago. He didn't know where Jeonghan could have gone. He slid down a crisscrossed metal barrier and cried into his hands. Jeonghan wouldn't just leave him like that, right? But he just did. Mingyu didn't have to worry; didn't have to think too much. Jeonghan would come back home. Come back to him.

Mingyu didn't know where he was. Just that he was leaning on a barrier, barricading a large and empty space from the outside, hugging his knees, crying, on the sidewalk at two in the morning. He willed himself to stop. Jeonghan still was nowhere to be found, and it was Mingyu's job to find him. He stood up. Wiped his eyes, then his hands.

He was in an intersection, the vehicles few. The street name was vaguely familiar to him. There was supposed to be a twenty - four seven convenience store around here. He'd bought more than a few chocolate bars from there one night, when he and Jeonghan declared movie night. Jeonghan went to get drinks, and Mingyu was tasked to buy chocolates.

He thanked his memory. When the crossed the road and turned the corner, the store was there, fluorescent lights brightening the area around it. It stuck out like something looking for attention. Mingyu pushed open the door. He looked around. An empty paper cup of instant coffee stood lonely on the long table. He sighed. Ofcourse Jeonghan wouldn't be here.

He walked back out, turning left. He didn't know when he started running, but one moment later he just was. He was screaming, screaming something, and soon realised it was Jeonghan's name. He screamed until his throat hurt, until his voice would no longer sound. He didn't find Jeonghan.

He fell to his knees, resting an arm out on the wall of some building. He took a moment to catch his breath, focusing on nothing but getting his air back. He stood again. He was facing an underground parking lot, the lights on. He forced himself to keep walking, ignoring the pain in his leg. He'll find Jeonghan first, then tend to his wound later.

\--

Jeonghan sighed. He looked around at the parked cars. He couldn't find Mingyu. The younger had a shit sense of direction, what if Mingyu had gotten himself lost? It was likely for Mingyu to be one city away from where he originally was and he wouldn't even notice. It's happened already, and there was no guarantee it wouldn't happen again.

Jeonghan got to his feet and walked slowly, steadily, up the ramp, out of the underground parking lot. He needed to find Mingyu.

Somewhere in the middle of his aimless walking, he started singing. It was the one song Mingyu loved to sing, the one song Jeonghan hated listening to. The title escaped his mind every time he thought of it, and this time wasn't any different. The chorus didn't give away the title, unlike most songs. He sang and sang, repeated the song, humming the parts he didn't know. He didn't notice the tears falling down his cheeks.

\--

Mingyu was lost. He was so sure he was just a few minutes away from their house. He needed to backtrack. While finding Jeonghan was a priority, making sure he wasn't lost was definitely more important. He'd found himself a city away one time when he wanted to check out a new store that had opened just a train ride away from their home.

He turned, walking in the direction he came from. He started feeling panicky, so he hummed a song, his go - to song when he wanted to sing but didn't know what song to. The song was one of the few he really liked; he could prove this because he went one week listening to it on repeat. Jeonghan had suffered, because even if the elder admitted to liking the tune, playing it over and over again was torture.

The louder his voice got, the less scared he felt. He could do this. He was not one city away from his house. (Maybe he was two cities away this time? He shook his head, ridding himself of the thought. Possible, but hopefully not true.) He turned right. He'd just started the chorus, singing about how his heart hurt so good, singing about a metaphorical 'you' he loved so bad, when he bumped into someone.

He looked down at the person, and his heart stopped. He was not one city, nor two, away from Jeonghan. He knew Jeonghan had a golden sense of direction, and had the mind to not stray too far. He was not one nor two cities away from Jeonghan, because Jeonghan was right there, right infront of him, looking up and into his eyes.

"Hyung," his voice cracked as the tears fell down, obscuring his vision completely. He wrapped the elder in his arms, tightening his hold.

\--

Jeonghan was starting to lose hope. It was three in the morning and he was so close to believing that Mingyu really was a city away from their house. Either that or Mingyu had gone home. Possible, but not likely. Mingyu still had trouble going to the grocery store and coming back home without having to call Jeonghan for specific directions, sometimes. Mingyu couldn't have made it home by himself.

His legs buckled underneath him, driving his knees to the ground, ripping his jeans and tearing open the skin there. He'd been walking the whole day, he was supposed to unwind when he reached home, but then shit happened, and now he was here with dirty, wounded knees, bleeding profusely on the pavement. He didn't care. The pain had yet to catch up to him.

Jeonghan helped himself up, pulling himself up with the stop sign conveniently standing near him when he fell. His knees weren't hurting that much yet. Mingyu had told him that the more the wound bled, the less it actually hurt.

His heart tightened when the memory of Mingyu wrapping up his bleeding arm came to mind. Mingyu had been so worried then. Was Mingyu still worried now? Did Mingyu still care about him? Jeonghan took a deep breath. Inhaled, exhaled. Calm down.

He resumed singing, probably looking suspicious at three in the morning, walking around with heavily bleeding knees, singing a song that was in English.

He turned left. Bumped into someone. He was about to murmur an apology, continue walking, but then he looked up first and saw those beautiful, beautiful eyes he'd fallen in love with.

"Hyung," cried Mingyu, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Mingyu," he stuttered. His hands instinctively clutched the back of Mingyu's top. He buried his face in the taller's chest, finally deeming it alright for him to cry. "Mingyu, oh my god, I thought I'd lost you," he confessed.

"I thought I lost you too, hyung," Mingyu breathed.

"I'm - I'm sorry," Jeonghan sobbed. "I'm sorry." He knew he was at fault, and he finally got to apologise to the person he wronged. Finally, finally. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you, I shouldn't have left like that. I'm so, so sorry, Mingyu," he pulled Mingyu closer to him, afraid that Mingyu would pull away.

Mingyu only held on tighter. "It's okay, hyung. It's okay. I'm just glad you're here," he kissed Jeonghan's hair, running his hand through it afterwards.

"Please forgive me, Mingyu. I'm really sorry, you don't know how much I hated myself. I'm so --" Jeonghan completely broke down, his sobs echoing in the sidewalk.

Mingyu's tears fell onto Jeonghan's blond hair. "It's okay, hyung," because, really, it was. "You were tired, you were having a bad day, but you didn't mean to do it."

At that, Jeonghan cried harder. "What did I do to deserve you? I don't deserve you," he shook his head, as if he believed it.

"Hyung, don't think that way. Ofcourse you deserve me. We deserve each other, okay? Hyung, I love you so much,"

"I love you too, Mingyu," Jeonghan hiccuped. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I broke that plate. I'm sorry I hurt you. I really didn't mean it, but it happened anyway." He murmured, eyes on the bloody white bandage wrapped around Mingyu's calf.

"Hey, it's okay, hyung. It's fine. What matters is that I've found you. We can go home now." Mingyu pulled away only to smile down at Jeonghan, who tried his hardest to smile back.

Jeonghan gingerly took Mingyu's hand, relaxing when the younger gripped it tight. "Yeah, let's go home."

\--

Mingyu led Jeonghan to the bathroom the moment the door was locked behind them, forced the elder to removed his accidentally distressed jeans, and washed up his wound.

As Mingyu was applying Betadine onto Jeonghan's knees, he glanced at the elder. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"

Jeonghan shook his head, smiling at Mingyu with that smile he always showed to Mingyu and Mingyu only.

"Good thing this is a big wound. You know, most of the time, the more it bleeds, the less it hurts."

Jeonghan's lips trembled, feeling like he was going to cry again. He covered his eyes with his hands, biting his bottom lip. It didn't work.

"Hyung, hey, what's wrong? Does it hurt now?"

Jeonghan shook his head. Stopped himself. "No, it's nothing, I was just getting emotional, sorry. But yeah, you're right. It doesn't hurt."

"Yeah, well, be thankful now. This will hurt like hell tomorrow."

God, he was so glad Mingyu found him, or he found Mingyu, whatever. They found each other, as they always managed to do.

"I love you so much, Mingyu."

Mingyu looked up from Jeonghan's knees resting on his legs, smiling that smile he saved for Jeonghan only. "I love you so much too, hyung."

\--

They're eating dinner, reheated mushroom soup, at four in the morning, when Jeonghan knocks his foot against Mingyu's shin.

Mingyu looks up, questioning.

"What's that song you like so much? The one you played on repeat that one time, the English one?" Jeonghan cocked his head to the side.

Mingyu found himself grinning. "Why, hyung? You like it, too?"

Jeonghan scoffed. "No way. It's just that I was singing it earlier, while I was looking for you, and I could never really remember the title."

Mingyu's heart fluttered. Jeonghan had been singing a song he hated so much, while he was looking for Mingyu? "Hyung, I love you so much."

Jeonghan kissed Mingyu's hand. "I love you too." He sipped his mushroom soup. "The title?"

"ILYSB, by LANY."

Jeonghan giggled at how alien the words sounded when Mingyu said them. "ILYSB," he repeated, "'I Love You So Bad', right? That's why I could never remember it," he laughed at himself. "What a stupid song title, they could've just made those words the title itself. Why use an acronym?"

Mingyu rolled his eyes playfully. "It doesn't matter, it's a great song anyway."

"Hey, Mingyu?"

"Yes, hyung?"

"I love you so bad." Jeonghan smiled at him, that smile, and Mingyu felt like he was falling in love all over again.

Mingyu smiled, smiled that smile. "I love you so bad, too."

**Author's Note:**

> and all was well.
> 
> fun fact, i really didn't know why they fought, i just wanted them to fight and only finally thought up the reason the same moment jeonghan remembered why they fought in the first place.
> 
> also, even if i'm a seventeen stan, i still don't know all the ships there are (there are thirteen members, i'll never know all the possible ships, oh my gods.) but mingyu and jeonghan are cute.
> 
> this work was inspired entirely by the don't wanna cry music video. jeonghan just looked really sad, and the places he was in was similar to mingyu's?? also, the girl with jeonghan at the beginning wore stars as well, so there it is.
> 
> all the places mentioned (mystery sidewalk???, intersection, the stop sign jeonghan held onto, their house, the underground parking lot, mystery metal barrier and mystery wall they keep leaning on) besides the convenience and grocery store, can be found in the video. their clothes on here are the same ones they wore in the music video, as well. again, this whole work was based off of the don't wanna cry music video.
> 
> did y'all notice that they were sort of actually following each other? the empty paper cup mingyu saw inside the twenty - four seven was jeonghan's. jeonghan was still in the underground parking lot that mingyu passed by.
> 
> i don't know if mingyu's sense of direction really is shit, nor if jeonghan's is golden, but let it be so for the sake of this work. ilysb was a randomly thought - up thing. the song was supposed to be some nameless song, but then it wasn't. sorry for saying the title was stupid!! but really, it would've been okay if the title was long, not an acronym. nonetheless it's a good song. gods, this note is long.
> 
> thankyou for reading my first work in the seventeen fandom! please check out my other [ works, ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/works) i've got bts and exo as well. loves!
> 
> // here's my (very inactive) twitter account! [@minimemeyoongi](https://twitter.com/minimemeyoongi)


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